i'm actually somewhat decent at golf. i honestly thought i'd be worse than this and i'm not. odd. i do muyy better when i'm running on four hours of sleep and an ice cap. muyy odd. i hit the ball to the green in one shot today. very odd. i don't know, maybe today will just be an odd day. i'm thinking it's going to be an odd night as well. she might like him, he likes her but he just broke up with someone else. everyone wants someone. its just like the eagles say, "there's going to a be heartache tonight." no denying that one; and if you don't know what i'm talking about, get out from under your rock and listen to some goddamn music that's worth it. "the therapists pumping through your speakers" will save you if you listen.

i'm crazy today. i think i'm like this every day though. i might be the editor of the yearbook. that would honestly make my year, besides the fact that'd it look good on my transcripts, but i love making things and seeing them out in print. it's a crazy weird feeling when someone says something nice about it. i want to make music, or write things that people will love. granted i know not everyone will ever be happy, but that is life and there's no way that everyone will ever agree on one thing, but it's nice to think that some people do appreciate the work you do.

hmmm i'm supposed to see the boy tonight. i've begged him into coming. yes, i sound desperate, but as the boys who've changed every aspect of my life, and made me feel like i'm something worth holding onto for just a bit longer say, "i keep telling myself i'm not the desperate but you got me looking through blinds." now i'm not looking through blinds, but "...you're feet in my shoes is not something i recall."

i don't know how this will turn out. he knows i still want him and yet "i know well enough to know you'll never love me. hoping for the best, just hoping nothing happens." i'm in a total music mood.

i've been quoting a lot of bands, not even on purpose. music is life for me. it's a good life for me. lets me hold onto something just for a day longer or a week or years. if you knew me then you'd understand how music has influenced my life.

now back to the boy...he told me the other night how he wants me to be his roommate next fall in indiana; two hours from the light of my life (chicago). he thinks we'd be great roommates, and we would be minus the fact that i love the kid. he told me he's comfortable with my music taste and knows me well and i wouldn't weird him out much, which makes me feel better, but then why not just date me? i don't understand him. he wants to be just friends. god i hate that line. only his current girlfriend of three or more years claims that we're best friends (i think she's thinking "keep your friends close and your enemies closer", but i'm paranoid).



go outside and fall in love with whats left of summer if you already haven't this year. it's been amazing out.


xxxoo